scans.
SEVEN DAYS IN THE LIFE OF...
NED'S ATOMIC DUSTBIN
as told by Neds' manager, Tank
THURSDAY
"As you join us" as Murray Walker would have it, we're
travelling out of New York City to Boston, three days into our third
venture Stateside and the first gigs for 1992. The day starts at 7.30am
in the cafe next to the Empire Radisson, 44 West 63rd Street, New York
in the company of Steve, the American half of the joke Ned management
team, who is as ever full of life - for "full of life" read
"full of shit". Some wit said life is a shit sandwich... eat
it or starve... you can either have it straight or with whipped cream
and a cherry on top... we choose the cream approach (...pardon?).
However we didn't choose the large air-brushed painting
on the side of the tour bus which pulls up outside the hotel at just
after 9am and the driver...oh my God...have you seen Misery?
This is Annie Wilkes' big brother. Maybe I'm at fault for judging someone
after ten minutes but such is life. John refuses to get on the bus unless
we get it resprayed. I offer to get George Bush to throw up on it.
Yesterday was spent shooting the video for 'Kill Your Television' which
is the next single in the US (they always were behind us). The day was
spent in the basement of the Rapp School throwing shapes and cavorting
before 16mm film. Jet lagged and in bed by 11.30pm, but it's 5.30am
on our body clocks. Back in the bus we have a band meeting and decide
that the best plan is to do a sold-out tour of America in January, which
is a good job really.
The Jam's 'All Mod Cons' and 'The Gift' accompany the front half on
the coach towards Boston (which the new red-haired Rat is not looking
forward to, relatively speaking).
Nausios Maximus (names changed to protect the stupid) is bound to make
the evening eventful if the last two trips to Boston are anything to
go by. Nausios is really full of "life". Alas Alex spends
his time between The Dark Half by Stephen King and a Gameboy
onslaught. Dan and Jonn try to catch up on missing sleep, while the
back lounge (we have two of every thing...heads in some cases) is occupied
by the remainder of the travelling party. Mat, Big Vern and Gary (the
legendary roadie twins) sound engineer and metal consultant Tableman,
and Nathan "his lights are crap" Mathews. His lights may be
crap but it's his birthday so we'll forgive him this once. Boston a
go go...into white we travel. It's snowing and it's getting colder the
further we travel north.
We pull over for a bite to eat. Nathan receives the first of two birthday
cakes (he's that popular), thinly disguised as a double choc chip muffin
with a mag light stuffed into the top. Avoiding the temptation to buy
a fridge magnet with George Bush looking like Donnie New Kid, we plod
the last 50 miles through snow into Boston.
The new Mega City 4 LP gets a blasting as the club comes into sight.
The Paradise has been freshly painted inside with a vicious colour scheme
that Paul Klee would be proud of... The first of a million interviews
start, Jonn, Alex and Rat doing the honours. The local paper prefers
the local support band to the Neds...well, who can blame him?
American tour manager "The Big Guy" hassles the local promoter
for food, which might explain the dreadful cold pasta experience that
followed. Fridge-cold ragu all over equally chilly pasta placed in no
particular order in a foil dish. It's a full 20 minutes before the man
from Dominoe's Pizza arrives. A warning: if you're ordering vegetarian
pizza and you want to be able to see the base, or any other part of
it, don't forget to say "no olive" cause they obviously have
a secret store of tons of the things, which nobody in their right mind
would eat.
The doors open and in trample "the kids" (man). It's at this
point that I'll avoid the subject of the gigs because it will turn into
one big live review. Suffice to say it's hot and the lack of barrier
makes for some interesting stagediving versus crew-throwing contest.
Nausios is amazingly quiet. He must have been sober.
And the journalist is wrong about the support band. Alex is asleep within
two minutes of being offstage. Oh the joys of jet lag.
One of the few joys of America is the 24 hour shops. We get a birthday
cake with "old git" and 24 burn-instantly-into-small-blobs-of-wax
candles for Nathan's birthday. The Jack Daniels flows and Spinal
Tap gets airing number 317...
FRIDAY
6am and we're back at the Empire Radisson in New York, out of coach
bunks and into hotel beds. Up again at 10.30 and through Times Square
to Sam Ash's music shop to collect Rat's second Marshall and to buy
drum spares, and not the Bart Simpson drum kit. While dropping this
stuff off we realise that we've forgotten to remove the backdrop from
the bus which is now parked in New Jersey. Into panic mode when the
bus driver hasn't checked into the hotel yet. We all enjoy blaming Nathan.
The usual batch of press interviews to be done including Thrasher,
the skateboarding magazine and a filmed CNN interview on "up and
coming bands like Nirvana", to which Jonn retorts that they've
already sold over a million and have therefore "up and come and
are now on the coffee".
We're supported by a local band who make a horrific din not unlike a
poor Clash rip-off... Bob "The Bass Thing" Jones turns up
and is looking splendid... The Bridge and Tunnel Crew coming soon, folks.
After the show Gary decides that there must be a sex symbol in the band
— hats x 3, belts x 1, shoes x 2 (different), bras x 4. It's time
to introduce you to T-shirt seller Michael Ryan - more infamous than
the bloke who shot at the shops in Hungerford. He gets ten people without
IDs into The Scrap Bar (clever) followed by buying enough alcohol to
keep the victorious Australian Rugby team happy for days. I think it
was 4.30 but don't quote me on that...Jonn? ...8ish.
SATURDAY
Under three hours sleep and we're back on the bus for the all-day drive
lo Toronto. Vern works on the Canadian carnet while Jonn sleeps off
a boredom hangover. Alex is (still) playing Nintendo. Rat plays Metallica
on his headphones, though still loud enough for Mat to hum along to
in the back lounge. Dan, Gary and Table laugh along to Planes
Trains & Automobiles while the best scenery America can
offer passes us by.
The bus pulls into a truck stop on the Canadian border to wait for Michael
Ryan so that we pass on the carnet (this takes three hours to happen
which is pointless because he doesn't get it stamped and it costs us
$1,000 to get the gear out of Canada the next day).
We're buying more films to fill the travel time. The Krays
with the Kemps from The Spands... being dull. Good sketch, though. Up
to the border and another stamp for the passport and off again for film
number three. The Toxic Avenger, a film containing
a complete acting bypass, non-existent storyline, needless sex and violence
and absolutely no plus points...an unmitigated classic...film of the
tour so far.
Into Toronto with an attack of the munchies. We tramp straight down
the street possessed to curry, the warmth of which hardly compensates
for the sub-arctic conditions on the way to the hotel.
SUNDAY
The day starts with local press interviews in the hotel. We already
want it to stop. The press love personal details, so it doesn't help
when the record company thinks Jonn is the drummer and
the singer. Yet again the Neds are giving boredom something to do, hanging
around for most of the day in the hotel because it's unbelievably cold
outside.
Down to the venue for the soundcheck. The Spectrum looks like the Institute
in Birmingham. The silly people are outside in the freezing cold at
five o'clock, three hours before doors. We let them in for the soundcheck
but they are thrown back out by the local security...such as it is...there
are over 1,000 people in the 800 capacity venue. It's a mad show. The
PA is on fire during the last song, but no gig reviews. Raven from Pigface
(ex-Killing Joke) comes to the gig and travels back with us for some
extra drinking exercise. He's living here now so we ask him to recommend
places to go and even though it's 1am on a Sunday we are still disgruntled
that The Ravine Sex Club is closed.
MONDAY
9.30 departure for the New Pontiac area of Detroit is required because
of the show. Raven joins us for the journey to get the plot for future
production duties. More travelling means more movies. The dull Edward
Scissorhands (nowt out of ten) and onto a Raven-recommended
Japanese cartoon film, Akira.
Into Detroit. Motor City. Making cars is obviously easier than organising
gigs for these people. The PA shows up at 6.30 and is set up slower
than an American/Russian arms deal. But at least it doesn't set on fire.
The soundcheck isn't until 8.30, the doors are already half an hour
late, it's tickets on the door only, the queue is five wide around the
block and it's still snowing. The support band don't get a soundcheck
but are superb all the same. They are Tyrone's Power Wheel, and Alex
and I loved 'em... the first good American band we've seen (sign them
someone, thank you). There are scuffles for Nathan (people walking over
his lighting desk mid gig) and scary scenes (people trying to get in
through the fire exit) but it's still a good one considering the amount
of hanging around done beforehand. Raven's made full use of the free
drink tokens. Back on the bus through the freezing snow. Only three
hours to Chicago.
TUESDAY
Ten hours later we pull up at the Day's Inn having not gone over 30
mph due to terrible road conditions. This is the third time we have
stayed here and each time it has been the worst on the tour, but it
appears to have been redecorated and has new carpets. Shame the hot
water doesn't work. Nick from Columbia phones to tell me the LP is up
21 places in the lower region of the Billboard Top 200 with over 180,000
sales. Having slept and showered (once the hot water is back on) the
various Neds catch cabs to the Cabaret Metro to soundcheck. Jonn and
Alex go to JBTV the local alternative TV show. The host wants them to
ad-lib so two minutes later Alex is creating his ultimate sandwich,
the shopping trolley and tennis racket on white, hold the mayo, and
Jonn wants tartan shoulder tattoos... don't start them ad-libbing.
Drive back past the site of the St Valentine's Day Massacre, which is
now a vacant plot of land, past the home of The Cubs baseball team,
Wrigley Field, just up the street from the venue. We played here before,
supporting Overkill, so we're well pleased to sell it out on our own.
Another hot and hectic show. Dan meets up with Martin Atkins (Killing
Joke/Ministry/Pigface, who Table calls "saint" within two
seconds of meeting) and continues to have his first ever muso drummer
chat. After the show the weather takes a turn for the silly (minus eleven).
The crew are looking forward to the idea of a 40 hour drive to Los Angeles
because it's 23 degrees out there at the moment. Gary, Big Vern, Nathan,
Big Guy and the happy trucker (sic) disappear once they're packed. The
Neds, Table and myself trundle back to the hotel.
WEDNESDAY
We sleep in a little then get up and try and discover if our flight
to LA will take off at all. We travel to the Chicago Music Complex and
splendid it is too. Though I'd like the barber's chair explained. We're
in to record with Raven and Lee Popa for our first try out with new
producers. We're doing two new songs, 'You Don't Want To Do That' and
'Legoland'. The resulting recordings you may or may not hear but it's
all good studio time towards the next LP. Next stop Los Angeles, then
Australia, then Japan...then maybe seven days off...