Corporate Bollocks

Clarity's Senior Management Bullshit Tribute Page

How much money is wasted coming up with meaningless dog-toffee like this?
Vast fortunes every day. Life-changing sums of cash evaporated. Copy and paste as you wish and present the results to your boss to gain Business Strategy Guru status.

For the purposes of this demonstration, we chose to address a matter which has persisted throughout the ages of civilised Man and still defies a definitive resolution to date. The matter of why the chicken crossed the road. After much speculation and conjecture, we finally bring you the Corporate Bollocks Solution. Indeed, a full report on the subject, suitable for being On Your Desk First Thing On Monday.

This outstanding piece of Corporate Bollocks finds its way to us as one of those annoying emails from somebody with too much time on their hands - you know the ones. Some peripheral acquaintance who thinks "hyuck hyuck, Bob'll like this, I'll forward it to him" and proceeds to do so -but what he/she actually sends is a formatting HORROR with a good six previously-quoted >'s, line feeds every three words, and of course complete with the private email addresses of just over sixty other poor bastards who received it several generations before you taking up the top two-thirds of the email itself. When I rule the world, those email-illiterate imbeciles will be rounded up, put in a field, and BOMBED!

To the unknown original author of the excellent report used to create this piece; Clarity salutes you.



"Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?"...

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive marketplace.

In a partnering relationship with the client, we helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), we helped the chicken deploy its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.

We convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with our own consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals in delivering and successfully architecting and implementing and enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.

The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

In conclusion, we helped the chicken change to become more successful. .